Some time ago, I saw a series of social media videos with a similar message: in the first scene, we would see colorful journaling notebooks, scented candles, and the hashtag “in my healing era”. The second scene, however, carried the short caption “this is what the healing work really looks like”, illustrated with tearful faces and people curled up on the floor. Is it really true that personal growth and shadow work always have to be hard?
Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with romanticizing the process – as long as it doesn’t turn into spiritual bypassing (using spiritual language and ideas to avoid facing one’s real issues). In other words, as long as you actually do the work instead of just telling everyone that you’re doing it, it’s fine. If that colorful journal or scented candle genuinely helps you through the process, not using them would almost be foolish. Spiritual or personal growth shouldn’t mean retraumatization. Any practice that softens the process is a good idea.
You probably suspect, however, that the term “shadow work” didn’t appear out of nowhere. A large part of spiritual growth and energy work involves examining the things we usually avoid – hence the term “shadow.” These are the parts of ourselves that often remain outside our awareness or direct perception. They are there for different reasons. Sometimes we consciously look away – we catch a glimpse out of the corner of our eye but pretend it isn’t there. Sometimes we’re not ready to face them yet, and we need to wait for the right moment. Sometimes the shadow is placed so cleverly that we simply can’t see it ourselves and need someone else to point it out (after all, we don’t have eyes in the back of our heads!). Very often, shadows also contain patterns and beliefs that once served us—protecting us and activating necessary processes for survival – but are, by nature, trauma responses. You can imagine it like a highly complex computer running a hundred background processes just to maintain an inefficient operating system. When the system finally updates, most of the old processes can be shut down and old files deleted, and suddenly the computer runs faster, nothing freezes, and all functions become more intuitive than before.
Assuming that shadow work will smell like roses and violets is not only incorrect – it can even be harmful or dangerous. It’s a bit like diving into a pool of ice-cold water expecting a warm jacuzzi. Our subconscious and energy systems usually prevent us from touching things we aren’t ready for, so the pool won’t be empty and we won’t break a bone – but the experience may be so unpleasant that we never try to swim in that pool again. The solution is simple: use the ladder, gradually acclimate to the water temperature, wear a good cap and swimsuit, and warm up in the sauna afterward.
In summary: yes, it’s important to take care of yourself, your environment, and your sense of safety (and to have your own regulation tools), but we also need to be aware that, for some reason, our consciousness pushes certain aspects we want to work on into the shadow. For me, that is precisely what earthly life is about: experiences that serve the growth of our soul. Few people embark on the path of personal development simply because they woke up one morning and decided to. For most of us, the primary motivation comes from discomfort in life that we want to remove or at least minimize. But this should not be seen as constant frustration; rather, it’s a long-term process and an opportunity for change.
Can the process be tiring? Of course. But in my experience, taking a step back, seeing the bigger picture, and accepting that we are here to evolve and work through our “earthly lessons” makes “my healing era” not just a short-lived trend that could demotivate us when our problems don’t magically disappear after one journaling session. Instead, it becomes a philosophy (or simply an approach to life or a mindset) that reminds us that everything has its own pace, phases, and a greater purpose.