I think this post will serve as a kind of reminder to myself that “God’s judgments are unsearchable, and his paths beyond tracing out.” For too often, it seems to us that we already know everything, we have already predicted where things are heading, and the destination is obvious.
One of the most important things I try to emphasize in my space is that spiritual growth cannot happen without deep grounding. I talk more about this in a podcast episode on the topic, but what is worth remembering here is that grounding means being deeply rooted in the experience of life here on Earth. Grounding is a connection with your body, your senses, and nature, but also simply not running away from life. Ultimately, we are here on Earth to work through all our lessons and to grow, but for that to happen, we must consciously face them. Here and now.
I understand trusting in experience and in one’s own path as trusting that the Universe (God, energy, insert your own) knows where it is leading us better than we do ourselves. Sometimes this will mean that we’ll have to change our path completely, and sometimes we’ll need an extra stop on a route we’ve mapped out quite well for ourselves. What’s more, this path can change dozens of times, and “that’s, like, okay.”
Let me use some examples. I had suspected neurodivergence in myself for a long time, but having cases of ADHD in my family and comparing our behaviors and challenges, I concluded that I actually relate more to autism spectrum traits, and that is exactly where I began my diagnostic process. The whole experience was difficult for me. In the very first minute of the appointment, I heard the magical “you don’t look it,” and it didn’t get any better from there. Three sessions of proving to me that I don’t know myself at all. At the final meeting, however, a sentence was dropped that I didn’t expect: “well, maybe ADHD, but definitely not the spectrum.” Ultimately, a psychiatrist was to decide. That sentence temporarily turned my self-perception upside down. What do you mean, me and ADHD? My whole life I had heard that I would make a great accountant because I am so organized and methodical, and now it was turning out that these were exclusively compensatory behaviors so the world wouldn’t see all my chaos? Eventually, after additional tests, the psychiatrist confirmed the ADHD diagnosis and recommended training with a psychologist to learn how to manage it better. I found a great specialist with whom, layer by layer, we looked at various behaviors and challenges. After a year of working together, he said a sentence that made everything fall into place for me: “I have no doubt that you have AuDHD traits, the third type of neurodivergence.”
What does this story have to do with the main topic? Had I encountered someone more up-to-date with current research than that unfortunate diagnostician of the “but you communicate so nicely” variety, and immediately received a spectrum diagnosis, I would never have sought an ADHD diagnosis and wouldn’t have had the full picture of the situation. It was only this not-so-pleasant extra stretch on the road that allowed me to uncover the whole truth, but also to confront my internal chaos, which I don’t always give myself permission to feel.
This experience was something I wouldn’t have figured out during journaling, it wouldn’t have come to me in meditation—in short, I wouldn’t be where I am solely through mental or energetic work. To fully understand and “process” it, I had to live it. To feel the emotions, meet with other people, have conversations, test my own behaviors in practice, and be in specific situations. Without this collision with the outside world, I wouldn’t have gained the key pieces needed to better understand myself.
I see a very similar pattern in many people standing on the threshold of major life decisions, and this is the hardest thing to accept when we think we already have our direction and destination. For example, a person who knows they want to quit their corporate job and start their own business may experience many difficulties along the way. These won’t always be signs telling them not to start that business, but there’s a good chance they need to gain a few additional experiences so that their business becomes exactly what it is meant to be.
It is a similar story with romantic relationships. Unfortunately, sometimes we need a few terrible dates to realize what we will no longer tolerate, or to understand that we actually don’t want a relationship at all. This doesn’t mean that we are “unlucky” or that the Universe is purposely throwing unpleasant experiences our way. This is exactly where trusting the experience lies. In such difficult situations, where we feel like we’re losing our direction, it’s worth asking ourselves: How do we feel? In what part of our body do we feel it? What is this situation showing us that we couldn’t see before? What can we change today, and what can we let go of? Finally, it is always worth turning to your spirit guides for a sign and keeping a close eye out for it. The ability to experience life is a reason for gratitude, and changing our perspective can lift an enormous weight off our shoulders.